The FIRST Blog...
..This is my first blog since momma's passing.. Soooo.. STEADY, TONY!! STAY, STEADY!! Steady is a word I never really had given much thought to.. Until December 22nd, 2018!! That "WAS" the day, momma officially (in her own words), "moved to heaven!!!"
Words CANNOT EXPRESS, how hard this has been!! NOTHING in LIFE that I'VE EVER BEEN THRU, has been as ROUGH as THIS!! Momma was my world, my rock! I'd go to bed at night (as her sole caretaker), generally wondering did she have water by her bedside, in case she were to awake thirsty in the night - & wake up in the morn, wondering what I would make her for breakfast! It was the GREATEST HONOR of my LIFE, taking care of her!! I was blessed to have ALL of 2018, spending near every waking moment with mom! She became my sidekick!! Where I was?? There was she! Those were memories I shall FOREVER CHERISH!!
It is so hard getting 'back' into the swing of things, (and at first?? I didn't think I 'WAS' going to make it thru!! Some folks know (but FEW folks), SOME knew about my 'fear-since-childhood,' of losing mom. So when it happened, it was almost INCOMPREHENSIBLE!!
It's a day to day process!! Some days I think I am 'okay' - then something will happen, a memory kicks, a trigger is pulled, & I have to momentarily, STOP and cry-it-out!! Slowly but surely, I am regaining strength.. & now, AT LEAST, feel I am gonna make it!!
I JUST WANT TO, WITH ALLLL MY HEART, THANK, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART (TO TOP), ALLLLLL OF YOU WHO HAVE REACHED OUT & OFFERED CONDOLENCES AND HEARTWARMING THOUGHTS!! I never really gave that much thought, but BOY! I DO NOW!! It is SOO important with someone grieving - to grieve with them!! As God says thru Paul, in Romans 12:15 - '😁Rejoice with those who rejoice; 😭mourn with those who mourn.'
I KNOW I WILL, from now on!! 😌 Once again - THANK YOU to you ALL who have reached out in this, the hardest thing I have ever been thru.. If you have not yet seen the 'Video Eulogy,' I did for momma, I have posted here, for you!! Thanks again! (SOO MUCH!!)